The beginning of "26 Ways to Fail" a novel by Jasmine Crespo

26 Ways to Fail
By Jasmine Crespo
A Talentless Sack-
It was an early Monday morning, the sky was clear and the grass freshly mowed, the only thing wrong with this picture is that I was there. My name is Sam Bradley; I’m an eighth grader that has never found my talent. So far, the closest thing I have to one is messing everything up. That faithful morning I almost set fire to my house. It was a complete and total accident but that’s not the way my bratty sister Shelby sees it.
I almost set fire to my house by microwaving leftovers in tinfoil. It was an honest mistake; I was half-awake and craving the hot deliciousness of a day old steak. I wish I had it now, but the firemen are still examining its remains, because of this, I’ve decided that I won’t be a “talentless sack” anymore. I’ve created a list of talents and hobbies, A-Z. This shouldn’t be too hard... I think.
But before I show you my personal journal, you need some background information on my family and friends, and also me for that matter. So here you go.

Sam Bradley-
Okay, this might be tough for me to describe myself but here you go.
Sam Bradley is thirteen, almost fourteen, extremely tall for his age, and has burnt brown hair that is usually spiked. Sam is a mostly B and C+ student, but has the occasional A. For his talents he has none. Sam is most famous for messing situations up and his emerald green eyes.
Relationship status: Sam has never been kissed or so much as hugged by the opposite gender unless you count Aunt Beatrice kissing him on his thirteenth birthday. (That day has been repressed)
Best friends in the world are Jesse Simmons, Lilly Matthews and Kevin Hall. They are the people who will help me with my list.

Shelby Bradley-
Shelby is eleven, but you could swear she was five. She always wears her perky blonde hair in pigtails so high on her head; you’d think she’d receive communications from space on them. Shelby is also perfect, only to the untrained eye, she is pure evil from her dark blue eyes to those skis she calls feet. She always gets straight A’s, is always on the honor role, and can play the piano, violin, cello, bass, viola, flute, guitar, drums, and countless other instruments. You’d see why she’d call me a talentless sack.
Her equally annoying best friends are Kenzie Richards and Emily Black. Both are mindless little girls that copy everything Shelby does, not as in her talents but as in torturing little children who aren’t as “talented“, “pretty” or as “cool” as her.

Zach Bradley-
Zach is my cool older brother that drives a motorcycle. His hair is black and shaggy, luckily he’s nineteen and out of the house. He is the main singer for a punk rock band called “Borne Naked”. I think it’s cool and rebellious but my sister thinks it’s insulting. That gives me even more of a reason to like it. See, everybody in my family has a talent, except for me. I think I’m adopted; my father to whom I am an aesthetic clone shot down that theory! Amazingly enough, I’m taller than Zach is too. My brother has a girlfriend; her name is Ashley something. I think they’ve been dating for a month now. She’s blonde, blue eyed and very stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I like her it’s just that I think a stool is smarter than she is.

Mom- (A.K.A. Brianne Bradley)
Mom is well, Mom. She is really shorter then me, (Well who isn’t?) has ash brown hair that is always in that “mom” ponytail. You know the one right? Well anyways, she believes that I have a “special talent” somewhere inside of me. I really hope she’s right or my list will be a big waste of time. Her talents are cooking and advice. Her motto, “Live and Learn”. I’ll never understand that until I’m fifty. She’s a psychologist extraordinaire. Minus the crazies that would follow her around like a mother duck. Her best friends are other psychologists like her, Dr. Jane Winters and Dr. Kim Russo.

Dad-(A.K.A. Peter S. Bradley)
Dad is just like me. He’s gawky and tall. One major difference is that he has a talent. He’s a reporter for channel 13’s news. My father tells it like it is and is famous for it. He has met thousand of famous people in his career. He also tells cheesy jokes. His favorite one is how he got the middle name S. He claims an alligator ate his birth certificate and his parents couldn’t remember anything about his middle name except for it started with an s. So my father is Peter S. Bradley, s is for short. Ha, ha, very funny dad.
What annoys me the most is that I’m his exact talentless clone. He says that I might go into the family business; I extremely doubt that because I freeze in front of a crowd of more than my dog Biscuit.

Jesse Simmons-Jesse has been my best friend since kindergarten. We’ve been through everything together. Jesse is the kind of boy who is a “stud”. All the girls in school follow him around like lost sheep. Jesse is about a foot shorter than I am but can amazingly dunk a shot in basketball. Jesse is good in about every sport he tries. Does everyone have a talent but me? Moving on, Jesse is my best bud and he’ll support any of my crazy ideas, such as the list.

Lilly Matthews -
Lilly has been my friend since in third grade; when I tripped and fell down a whole flight of stairs and had to be air lifted to the hospital. She helped me up when no other people were around. She stuck with me, even though I was crying and bleeding. Even though all I had was a broken wrist. Lilly is a doctor, at least she would be except for the fact she is still thirteen. Her story is that I inspired her to be one.
She has auburn hair that is always put in a bun. I myself have only seen it down once or twice. She has a face speckled with freckles that highlight her honey brown eyes. She’s kind and sweet but has a temper at times. I’m sure these traits will help me trough my list, especially if things go wrong and I get hurt.

Kevin Hall-
Kevin is my friend that is my friend by accident. He’s a cool skater boy that I saved last fall when he was skateboarding and almost ran into the lake. He was saved from the freezing cold water by accidentally crashing into me and forcing me into the water. It was only three feet deep but I embarrassed myself by being a baby and almost drowning. He helped me up and we’ve been friends ever since. He’s my more worldly advice guy. He tells me that life is like skateboarding, if you fall, just get back up and ride. I know he doesn’t do drugs, but it would make a whole lot more sense if he was. He is properly going to be the one to help me do crazy things on my list.

That’s all the people I think I would need to help me do my list. If I eventually fail, then I’m indeed a “talentless sack”. A-Z is the game and I’m hoping to win. Now I’m just blathering on to fill valuable journal space. So here are my tasks.

NOTE: I HAVE MORE TO THE STORY COMMENT IF YOU WANT MORE. FYI I STILL NEED TO EDIT.