Lucky 13

Nobody really said that they wanted to hear about world domination today, but I'm kind of feeling bad for myself. That means today's topic is world domination. For now, I'll give you a quick list of ways to reach that all-important goal. (This is provided by >:D.

1. Eat a Purple-Land Banana (though impossible)
2. Command legions of unicorns (also impossible, for same reason as #1)
3. Become a vampire (a true one) and mafia leader
4. Do NOT become a pirate
5. Control all *blank* factories. (plan in motion, cannot disclose)
6. Set up your own colony on the Moon under your own command and blow up the Earth.
7. Assassinate all higher-ranked people
8. Slowly establish yourself as "allies" to all foreigners
9. Get dragons for friends
10. Learn the art of Mindbending.
11. Obtain world-wide public sympathy
12. Take over chandelier production (long story)
13. Infest every organism on Earth to become a new body under your control

Enjoy the list? I certainly hope you did. It is certainly very informative, if you have the resources. I am personally involved in three of the above schemes. However, I am only using one in my quest for world domination. So I'll give you a few tips from my own personal experiences.

1) Make sure you have a plan. This is probably the most important tip I'll give you. If you want to achieve world domination, it is imperative that you understand the art of planning. Any of the above suggestions will prove unsuccessful without proper planning.

2a) Avoid attracting unwanted attention. Obviously this can be difficult with suggestion #11, but otherwise, it is a very good idea. The worst thing that can happen is for you to constantly have that annoying little hero bugging you all the time.

2b) If you are, or wish to be, a member of the Evil Genius Society, you will know that having unwanted attention is required. That leads us to tip 2b: Prepare a monologue. Every evil genius knows that they have to perform a 24 hour monologue before achieving any scheme for the scheme to count on the Evil Genius Society point system. Any good monologue should include at least 62.5 extra traps in case that pesky nemesis managed to escape the first one.

3) Move quickly. The best world domination seekers will have their plans in the planning and preparation stage for a very long time. Why? Because at some point you will have to strike in the open. More preparation means less time out in the open.

4) Become a hero. One thing that few outsiders seem to notice is that there are thousands upon thousands of schemes for world domination. They're everywhere. Good ones. Bad ones. In between ones. Everything. If a person truly seeks world domination, they have to stop all those other plans. Few people realize how many "superheroes" are really bent on achieving world domination. Which is convenient, because they often attract widespread public sympathy.

In conclusion, achieving world domination is not an easy task. It isn't for the faint-hearted or accident prone (one of the fatal flaws in many perfectly respectable plans). If you do seek this elusive goal, good luck. It's very rewarding. Oh yes, just to warn you, I often find myself becoming a "hero". I've become very good at it. And if you have a good enough plan, I might just pay you a visit.

Peter Rosen

P.S. I didn't really have time to edit this post, so comment if you see any mistakes.