Excuse Note-Kylee Call-Period 1

To whom it may concern:

Please excuse Kylee Call for her Tardy this morning. My lucious soft warm feather down was no match for that annoying & pathetic thing that calls itself an alarm clock. The darling couldn't take her head off me. Dont worry though I am now participating in an early morning Yoga class and will be waking up every morning wither her.

Sincerely,
The Best Purple Pillow Ever

Excuse Note - Brianne Johnson

Dear Hillcrest Junior High,

This is Dr. Berg from Berg's dentistry excusing Brianne Johnson from school today. I'm terribly sorry that our scheduling conflicted with her school activities. I'm sure she was just dying to flunk her math test, be lectured on the water cycle in science, and be bored to tears by the her notes in Spanish.She hauls herself out of bed at the crack of dawn and drags herself from class to class just so she may drown herself in the misery. Brianne, I'm sure, is dying because she missed out on all the exhilarating experiences school has to offer. She will snap right back to work with a smile on her face, and bounce in her step. Again, terribly sorry for the inconvenience.

Sincerely,

Dr. Gerald Berg

Excuse Note-Stephanie Johnson

Dear Ms. LaFortune,
I know that I constantly ask for an excuse on my late assignments, but this time it's vital. I have a deadly condition entitled Non-Workaholic. If I go against this condition and expend any energy whatsoever, my health will be on the line. How does one survive without working, you may ask. Well, with my intense condition, I avoid all type of writing and doing essays as much as possible.

Sincerely,
Stephanie Johnson

Dear Mr. Stickman, Xander Summers Period 6

I apologize for messing up your eyes so you are always mad. I am also very sorry that I did not give yoiu muscular arms to impress that one girl with the triangle dress. I would have made you better if I could have erased your short, stubby, skinny arms. Maybe if you were luckier I would have given you hands instead of the transparent circles that you have now. I want you to also forgive me for not giving you feet, it must be very hard to walk without them. Those stubby legs must be embarrassing. Don't even ask me why I did what I did, blame the hand that controlled me, that stupid chubby little hand. Also sorry I didn't give you a mouth.

Sincerely,
The #2 Pencil

P.S. Good luck with the triangle dress girl, hey maybe you guys have a lot in common for example you both have stubby legs.

Alex Crowell- Excuse Note

Dear Hillcrest Junior High,

I am extremely sorry to hear that your school has had an outbreak of intensive Bieber Fever. I, Justin Bieber, am taking full accountablity for this situation. It is not these young ladies fault that I'm so incredibly gorgeous and my hair flips in slow motion. It is not their fault that they think my songs are secretly written to each one of them, it is a side effect of the B-Fever. I apologize, so please exuse these ladies from their rabid behavior and I take full responsiblity for each outbreak and outburst.

- JB

Exuse Note - Brennan Clayton

Dear Ms. Lafortune,

I am so sorry Tristan couldn't get his work done today. I just kept breaking because i just absolutely LOVE to be sharpened. It is the best feeling i the world! To feel so fresh after being unwillfully and horribly dulled by a piece of paper. I just can't stand being so dull, so i just had to break. I am so very terribly sorry.

Sincerely,

The Pencil

P.S. - I am also sorry for all the noise and disruption that Tristan caused trying to sharpen me.

Extra Credit Excuse Letter by Blake Brockbank

Dear Utah,
I'm sorry for what I have done, but i don't regret it. I'm sorry for being so dang awesome that you can't handle it. I'm sorry for being so awesome that I get paid millions of dollars to be injured. If I ever played, I might just dominate so much that I came to the conclusion that I should injure myself for the good of the league. Many people hate me and I don't understand why. I always look my best in my suit on the bench because I am just too awesome to actually play. I sat there and made more money than any other players on the team who actually played. There is a reason I made a bunch of money, it is because I am just so awesome. I am sorry for being so awesome, but too bad for you because I am off to warm up the bench in my nice suit over in Chicago.
Sincerely,
Carlos Boozer

Excuse Note McKenzie Stauffer

Dear Hillcrest Jr. High School,
Please excuse all of the girl students and most of the female teachers. For when they heard that I was going to go boating at Lake Powell they just had to come and see me. Well who could blame them with my stunning looks and rock hard abs? These girls couldn't resist the chance to come and drool and scream over me. I sure hope that you understand:).
Love,
Brad Pitt

My Excuse Note- By: Dana Soweidan

Please excuse Dana Soweidan from school and her previous assignment for when she woke up she found a gorilla eating her homework, so she ran after the gorilla. When she finally reached him the gorilla was handing the backpack to a zebra. Then suddenly an elephant comes out of no where and sprays Dana's backpack with mud and water. As if it couldn't get damaged enough, a cheetah comes, takes the backpack, and runs away. So that's why Dana did not come to school or do her work,
Sincerely,
Dana's Mom, Layal

Peter Rosen Excuse Note

To Whom it May Concern:
Please excuse Steven from school today. His quest for world domination requires him to stay in his top secret lab. Do not be alarmed if government agents request see him. Simply give them the enclosed pieces of chocolate and send them to the address on the map (also enclosed).
If mysterious agents inquire about toast, tell them that Steven is, in fact, a member of the SSS. Then tell them that they will never win and laugh maniacally. If penguins walk into your classroom, call (000) 000-0000 and tell the automatic message that the penguin police are onto him.

Signed,

[Random Scribbles]

26 Ways To Fail

HI
Bonjour everyone! This is not Jasmine, nope, this is Molly. Sadly Jasmine could not make it to the computer tonight so I am filling in for her. H and I are the letters for today because Jasmine failed to post last time too. Seriously, what is up with all the short posts? Let's get some content in these things!
So, since h and i can make a word, I'll start with that word. Hi! Yes, hi. I know that it's kind of lame but it is the best I could think of in this short time span. Hi is a great way to greet someone when you aren't feeling like a teenager (Hey) or a proper adult (Hello). Hi is also in many words in our dictionary, including high, amphibian, child, and many more words that I don't feel like copying and pasting. Now if you want to break up the letters, I can create a few more stuff.
H
Hmm, since Jasmine did Harry Potter last time I will do hypnotism. I'm personally in to hypnotism and all that fun stuff. Few people actually believe in it or are susceptible to it, but I will use my family as an example. My mother said my youngest mother would be most susceptible to it, my second brother probably wouldn't be affected and I was a mystery. Thanks mom for giving me a straight-forward answer as usual. There are multiple ways to hypnotize a person, including clocks, voices, and this funny picture below!














Beautiful, isn't it? Of course, this is more of an optical illusion, which will be discussed below.
I
Optical illusions are fun to look at, so instead of me droning on about them, here are a few.

























So here is 26 Ways To Fail. This is Molly Annott Rinson, signing off.

Moo, Shipoopi, and Shoopuf

(sigh) Where are you...? I am looking for you... Where did you go...? You left your body behind again! Please come back... The body doesn't know what to do with itself, and the brain is just plain hopeless. The notorious wooden desk has haunted the poor abandoned body with "hugs"... Please help... No one else is allowed to revive this morbid animated object... No one else can pull the strings. Your goofiness and confidence (though it may be very small) is needed! Come on! You've cheered up many other people (miraculously). You have another job! You know very darn well that you can't get fired from this never-ending job! You can change form as much as you want, but you need to do your job! You aren't going to get paid if you stray like that! Stay here, where you belong. Your body needs help... Your soul needs help... Please come back and pull the tangled strings of this lifeless puppet...

Lucky 13

In keeping with the tradition of short posts, um... Goodbye for now.

Peter Rosen

You Have a Problem

Sorry that this is really late, but I forgot about this until now.

Inform you on the new developments on Tuesday.

Aninimous

26 Ways to Fail

Sorry I failed and didn't post yesterday. >:) was supposed to cover me but it failed. Sorry.

Jasmine Crespo

Where Are You??

Ok, since no one has posted in two days *cough cough* GET POSTING *cough cough* I will post something that I was planning to write about before I quit the columns. (Long story, if you want to know more, go to my second post. Though it doesn't really tell you much either.) Let's see how this goes.
Oreos
Oreos. Oreos are the most wonderful thing in the world, well, it's probably tied with Reese's peanut butter cups, but that's a whole different story, so I will focus on Oreos. I'm sure most of you have heard that oreos are milks best friend, and while this may be true, it is true in more than one respect. Oreos go good with milk, ice cream, yogurt, and other milk products that I can not think of off the top of my head. Other non-milk products that I CAN think of are strawberries, reese's (yum) and breakfast. I know breakfast isn't really a food, but I'll keep it anyway. There is also a great skill required if you are to eat oreos the "cool" way. You must be able to twist the oreo and leave the white filling undisturbed. It took my years, but I finally mastered the art. (Look! A hyperbole!) Twisting the oreo just the right way is difficult though, but if you want to eat it normally, I guess it doesn't really matter.
So let's do some editing and see if I can find the right shade. Never tried this before.
YEAH! It is the right one. I feel like a ninja. I don't have a super secret message, besides maybe CAKE! Jasmine, you know what I'm talking about. As should you Alison, Marisa, Melissa, and anyone else that is to be at Jasmine's party. If you don't, well then you really are just an idiot. Don't mean to be mean but that's just me. LOOK! A RHYME!
So there is my ridiculously short post once again. After several months, I'm sure nobody missed it but oh well. Maybe it will motivate you people to POST! Thank you. That is all.

Taylor Tomlinson (Allys, Tally, Tanya, etc. I don't have a nicknames post so there is a few :3)

Lucky 13

It is late and I have much to tell, but no time to tell it.

Good Night.

Peter Rosen

Finally.

Ehem. Well. I just have to announce that finally, i have had my first victory, with many more to come. Madagascar is mine, and you should all fear me.
Anyone wish to guess my method? You should be trembling in your mukluks.
It was a short and fiery battle, and now i rule the island. Now, you may not think this is a great accomplishment, but it has the clues to another island...
No ninny-mouse, not that one.
>:D

Moo, Shipoopi, and Shoopuf

-From the desk of Mr. O,
Goodbye. May you be swept away suddenly in a whirlwind. I sing gleefully in your absence. I sing songs peacefully and without a care. Fly away. Don't die, but fly away. Come back when I am ready. Grow wings, jump off a cliff, it matters not, but let me live, I ask you! If only you were clever enough to put on a disguise. A disguise not to fool my eyes, but to please them. We jump around hand in hand dancing. We are happy if you leave. We may even tighten our grip of friendship. Please, we love you, secretly, deep down, somewhat, at least slightly. Wipe that tear off your face. Here's a tissue. Bon voyage, and let us party! La la laaa! We don't miss you! Goodbye! Have a safe trip! We won't actually forget you! Cheers!










To: Homework

You Have a Problem

Hello and welcome to You Have a Problem.

I want to depart from the SSS idea for a second and move onto something else.

Have you ever had a time where you have to be somewhere (I am going to use a recital as an example) and you are told to be there 10-15 minutes early. Say the recital is at 3:00 and at 2:00 your parent tells you that it is time to go. Well, the place isn't to far away, so you protest saying that it is too early, but they take you anyway. There ends up to be no traffic on the road and get there in 10 minutes. Well, you have nowhere to go and don't want to wait in the lobby of the place, so you go inside and listen to the other recitals, that you have no desire whatsoever to hear, and have to listen to those for 45 minutes. Well this hypothetical situation would be absolutely horrible for me, but of course this is hypothetical.

Well that was my little rant.

Well, that is all for...

Wait

Wait

What is this?

I have just been informed that Patrick Suanda has destroyed all toast in Sri Lanka!!!!

Wait, Sri Lanka?

Wait, the tiny thing?

Oh, Oh, well apparently a plane was flying above that was delivering a lot of toast and toast related products to China, but the plane was destroyed. I am not sure what has happened, but I am told it seemed to just disintegrate.

Well, now I think that is all...

What now?

Oh my dinner is ready.

Ok then

Goodbye

Aninimous